Exploring Sexual Boundaries: Ron and Rebecca

CONFESSION
Ron was really bothered by Rebecca’s inexplicable overreactions to what Ron considered tantalizing sexual variations that he wanted to introduce into their two-year-old relationship. He was puzzled that Rebecca always stubbornly resisted any attempts he made to explore with her some hot new, exotic technique he read about, especially because all he wanted to do was to give her pleasure! Was there nothing he could do to convince herthat experimenting with harmless but exciting fantasies on each other’s body could spice up their love making sessions and draw them closer together?

CONSEQUENCE
The budding relationship could have ended right there if Rebecca was unable to accommodate the desired variation. Both would suffer, Ron would resent Rebecca and always remember her as an unadventurous lover and she would resent him for being a selfish and kinky lover.

STRATEGY
My course of action involved establishing boundaries of respect between the participants. Rebecca was to understand that Ron did not respect her less for wanting variety, and Ron had to learn to respect her wishes and not make her do anything that she didn’t want to do.

SOLUTION
I had Ron and Rebecca look at a sexual positions book and encouraged them to separately mark the ones that they liked, and then to mark each one that they thought the other would like. This playful mechanism allowed for the exchange of information and the elimination of any misconceptions they might have had about the other partner. After having compiled their own sexual positions lists, I had them swap lists and choose the position that most appealed to them from the list of the other person. Eventually they were able to use the same format for more adventurous lovemaking activities without either one over reacting or getting offended.

BENEFITS
The benefit was that it formed a solid basis for further relational development, as it was built on mutual respect and understanding.

This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking Into the Sexual Secrets of America by Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s store at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/Store.aspx?a_aid=sward — it offers books, videos and more.