Confession: I Sleep Around When I Really Just Want to Be Held

CONFESSION: Carol’s desire to be held and cuddled by a man often led to a premature sexual encounter whenever she dated. No matter who she went out with or how short a time she had known him, Carol would yield to a man’s request for sex just so she could feel his strong arms around her. It seemed that freely providing sex to the man was the only way she could attain what was most important to her.

CONSEQUENCE: Obviously, one of the consequences was that Carol was exposing herself to some serious risks, especially of contacting a sexually transmitted disease. An equally serious consequence was the lowered self-esteem that came from Carol’s violation of her own real desires.

STRATEGY: My strategy was to get Carol away from her compulsive behavior and to focus on what she really wanted. I made Carol promise to me to remove herself from those situations that led to the counterproductive behavior, and to be abstinent until she had found an alternative to her current behavior.

SOLUTION: I had Carol write out what she did and did not want from a relationship. I had her list all of her positive attributes and characteristics. This helped her focus on what she really needed-a long term relationship, not one-night-stands. The subsequent change in her self image and a more purposeful focus, combined with a change in where she went to look for Mr. Right, resulted in a change for the better, and the correction of potentially self-destructive behavior.

BENEFITS: The benefits to this strategy were first, to Carol’s physical well-being, as it removed her from risk; and second, to her psyche. It allowed for the elimination of a roadblock to her real goal.

This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking into the Sexual Secrets of America by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s bookstore at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward