CONFESSION: Vaginal or clitoral, the debate over women’s orgasms and where they were “supposed” to happen was stressing out poor Sandy. Like other women her age, good sex was important to her life and she wanted to make certain that she got the most out of her intimate excursions. Was it more pleasurable for a woman to experience them clitorally, and was there something wrong with a woman who could only feel them vaginally? If there was something wrong with having a vaginal climax, was there some surgical procedure to correct this? How was a woman supposed to know these things, anyway?
CONSEQUENCE: By not accepting her natural orgasmic functions and having unrealistic expectations of her own sexual response mechanism, Sandy was unnecessarily seeking to control something, not out of dissatisfaction, but out of a fear of physical abnormality. This was certainly not good for her self image.
STRATEGY: It was important that Sandy be made aware of the variety of individualized sexual responses in females. All women were different and there were no “normal” responses. Sandy’s sexual organs were fine. I endeavored to increase her clitoral pleasure by recommending she masturbate her clitoris, while at the same time eliminating her anxiety about herself. I also pointed out to Sandy that not only was she not abnormal, but doubly blessed. Due to the physical location of the clitoris, most women reached orgasm more easily. The orgasm it produced could be extremely pleasurable, and the level of orgasm was more easily controlled, due to its external placement – but far less women were blessed by the ability to have consistent internal orgasms, which were deeper, longer and more fulfilling. Sandy, was indeed a lucky woman.
SOLUTION: After educating Sandy as to the lack of a single standard for female sexual responsiveness, I gave her “The Dragon Lady” vibrator, with its ribbed shaft and head that rotated a full 360 degrees, soft pearl beads which encircled the ribbed shaft and attached “rabbit ears” for clitoris stimulation. This luxurious vibrator induced a powerful response in her and for the first time Sandy felt a flow of sexual energy from her clitoris as well as her vagina. I also added that she should consider herself lucky, as many women would be envious of her orgasmic ability. As long as she felt good, who cared where the orgasm came from?
BENEFITS: The primary benefit to Sandy was that the external masturbation increased her clitoral pleasure (even though she still didn’t climax that way) and removed her self doubts about having internal orgasms.
This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking into the Sexual Secrets of America by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s bookstore at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward
