CONFESSION: Visions of hell fire and eternal damnation were ruining any enjoyment and pleasure that Greta might have derived from the wild fantasies she and her husband shared in their bedroom. Her husband repeatedly reassured her that their nighttime sexual escapades were harmless and even good for their marriage. Nevertheless, just as Greta was about to give into the desires of the flesh and explore with her husband the exotic, tantalizing world beyond the missionary position, the words of the church tenets lit up like neon signs inside her mind. According to the church, exploring fantasies like these was taboo, it was sinful and unnatural even for a husband and wife. If she was to participate, she reasoned, wasn’t she damning herself and her husband?
CONSEQUENCE: If Greta persisted in torturing herself with guilt, then ultimately she could block the interchange of fantasies between them, not only on a sexual plateau, but also hasten the demise of their marriage.
STRATEGY: Sometimes sexual fantasies have not been compatible with religious beliefs, particularly if the people involved were active churchgoers. But I noted that this had not prohibited Greta and her husband from exchanging fantasies in the past, I decided not to contest her religious upbringing, but instead play off of it and incorporate it into my advice.
SOLUTION: I asked Greta if she was ever caught with her hand in the cookie jar when she was younger. She said she was. She didn’t like getting caught, but she did like the cookies. Then she realized it was the same thing with the fantasies and hinted at possibly not revealing all their fantasies to the priest. This was one confession that the priests did not have to hear. The thrill of doing something secret and forbidden seemed to actually excite herand she was no longer afraid of going to hell just for fantasizing.
BENEFITS: The benefit here was that if I tried to recondition Greta about her religious background, I would only increase other conflicts. By using the practical approach, I addressed the direct problem.
This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking into the Sexual Secrets of America by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s bookstore at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward
