CONFESSION: When he masturbated, Arnold could hold back as long as he wanted before climaxing. Always hard, always reaching orgasm just at the right time, his masturbatory life was bliss. So why, Arnold sadly wondered, did his manhood seem to betray him every time he was with a woman by erupting after only a few minutes?
CONSEQUENCE: Arnold’s premature ejaculation problems were causing him to feel insecure and gave him a lack of confidence as a lover. He was beginning to lose sleep over his anxiety which was even affecting his work life. However, he was clearly more relaxed and less performance oriented when he was alone than when he was with another person.
STRATEGY: Arnold needed to relax and feel more comfortable when he was with a sexual partner. The blockage was clearly psychological so performance anxiety issues needed to be addressed. He was encouraged to spend more time on foreplay, kissing and touching his partner – and then slowly build the sexual excitement for both of them before engaging in intercourse. I told Arnold to forget about his penis and concentrate on pleasuring his partner with his hands and tongue.
SOLUTION: Arnold became engrossed in new sexual activities that had nothing to do with his penis, thereby removing the focus on his premature ejaculation. He teased his lover with his tongue from her toes to her head. He caressed her lovingly and masturbated her until she begged for mercy. He even asked her to rate his licks, kisses and caresses from 1 to 10. When he finally penetrated his lover, his erection lasted for about fifty strokes before he ejaculated.
Since he still wasn’t satisfied with his performance, he came to see me one more time. I had him tell me what he did when he masturbated, and to describe that which he fantasized about; what was it that prolonged his need to ejaculate? Arnold said he squeezed the head of his penis when he got too excited and that he thought of Canadian bacon and pineapple pizza when he was going to ejaculate too soon. It simply became a matter of duplicating this thought process in order to alleviate his problem with lovers.
BENEFITS: Arnold learned the importance of preparing a woman forlovemaking, and, once again, became a confident lover. He no longer felt insecure after mastering the art of oral sex and,consequently, placed less emphasis on his penis.
This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking into the Sexual Secrets of America by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s Bookstore at Loveology University for a wealth of information about love, intimacy, and sex.
