CONFESSION: Tom had never seen his wife Maria naked, because she always insisted that they make love in absolute darkness. Tom felt that Maria pushed the limits of his patience with her extreme shyness, but the very austere and inflexible home in which she was raised created in Maria an unnatural reluctance to be seen without her clothes, even by her own husband. Tom desperately wanted to see Maria’s nude body, to look at her supple breasts while he caressed her nipples. He was certain that the sight of her soft, undraped curves and her sweet, glistening skin would vastly increase his excitement and eroticize their lovemaking.
CONSEQUENCE: The immediate consequences to the marriage was not disastrous. However, it did present a roadblock to intimacy and betrayed a certain power struggle. On some level, Maria was withholding more than the sight of her naked body from her husband. She was convinced that sex was bad and she was inherently evil just because she was a woman. So while the surface of this conflict allowed her to be a willful child in a “good girl” role, the long range conflicts the problem allowed to develop could have been fatal to the marriage, and have lasting negative connotations for the individual as well.
STRATEGY: By making Maria feel sexy about taking her clothes off for her husband, I redirected her to a positive focus. I suggested that Maria begin admiring her body in front of a full-length mirror when she was totally alone. She had to look at herself positively and begin touching, stroking, and turning herself on. Once she was comfortable being nude, Tom and Maria were to play-act a fantasy, “Centerfold”.
SOLUTION: In this fantasy, Tom was the photographer and Maria the model. She started out completely clothed and slowly removed each article of clothing as she become more aroused. Tom was to compliment her every curve and direct her into various positions, but he could not make love to her until she was totally naked with all of the lights on. This assuaged Tom’s voyeuristic inclination and redirected Maria’s “good girl” behavior and its negative consequences to a more healthy enjoyment of self. In time, Maria developed exhibitionist tendencies, and the two of them even profited by sending their “Centerfold” photographs to a magazine for publication.
BENEFITS: Maria and Tom would be able to explore new levels of sexual excitement and Maria would also be able to have a much healthier attitude towards her body.
This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking into the Sexual Secrets of America by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s bookstore at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward
