How Can I Tell My Boyfriend I Have Genital Herpes?

CONFESSION: Alyssia was hopelessly attracted to her current boyfriend, Bill and, fortunately, her affections were being reciprocated. She knew that the best way to maintain a good relationship, and for their union to continue to blossom, was to be honest and forthright with her man. The problem was that she had genital herpes and, although she wanted to tell him, she feared that, if she did, she would lose him.

CONSEQUENCE: The consequences of not telling Bill were even more serious than the consequences of telling him. The only real danger was losing him, but if disclosing her condition responsibly would make him run for cover, then not much was lost. The problem was the sense of isolation, secrecy and shame that comes with having a sexually transmitted disease.

STRATEGY: Since the primary means by which to overcome this potential problem was communication, I advised Alyssia about the proper way to have a serious private talk. I suggested that it take place in a public setting and made her realize that, if Bill decided to break off the relationship because of what she told him, she must accept it, even though he would be the one who’d really lost out.

SOLUTION: Alyssia took Bill to a coffee shop on Santa Monica Boulevard where there was enough traffic to hinder anyone from overhearing them, yet a setting that provided the right amount of privacy. Per my suggestion, she asked him if he were susceptible to herpes because, unfortunately, she was a carrier of the virus. Given that Bill truly did care for her, there was no problem.

BENEFITS: The benefit in this approach was that it maintained her positive self-image and guarded against the negative emotions of rejection. Having the conversation take place in a public setting allowed for the possibility of an undesirable response.

This is an excerpt from Confessions to a Sexologist: Peeking into the Sexual Secrets of America by Dr. Ava Cadell, Ph.D., Ed.D. Visit Dr. Ava’s bookstore at Loveology University — http://www.loveologyuniversity.com/BookStore.aspx?a_aid=sward